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Madonna said that there will be no wardrobe malfunctions at this years Super Bowl half time show...ummmm good. 
Decided to clean the kitchen this morning, started with the last of the rum cake. Cleaned that right up. Decided that was enough cleaning for today..
The Muppets would have been so much better if Kermit had been voiced by John Wayne.
1:00pm *Hears noise* "Hmm I wonder what that was..." 1:00am *Hears noise* "OH MY GOD I AM GOING TO BE MURDERED!"
I'm gonna get one of those giant, old-timey bicycles. You know the type, where if you tipped over you fell 20ft. and died..... yeah,,one of those
Dear People, Please stop all the period jokes. Sincerely, Everyone's Ovary Acting
Just finding out that Nickelback has a greatest hits album very well may have ruined my entire day.
I thought 'Pokemon' was a Jamaican P0rn... My bad...
No, we do not have video of our baby's birth but we do have some very fine shots of his conception.
No one texts faster than a gossiping woman.
I'm just gonna wait for the iPhone12 when Siri can extend her arms and hold me.
"Hospice," contrary to popular belief,,, was not one of the Spice Girls.
Black Friday is the American version of running with the bulls
Tonight's the night ... You can tell because the sun's gone down!
Shout out to all the women who use their brains to get what they want. Put your pu ssy away Miss, its not a currency.
Basically the way it works is I tell myself I'm not going to eat too much and then I eat too much.
I am now convinced that the homeless people have all of the shopping carts that do not have the wobbly wheels.
I shake my head at people's stupidity so often that no one will even notice if I get Parkinson's.
So I Went to pick up my date for homecoming, Her father said make sure she is home and in bed before 11PM, I Said " Don't worry Sir, I'll have her in bed by 830" :D
This is actually Kanye West's second marriage, as he's been divorced from reality for many years now.
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