Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Just because I tell you that I love you does not mean I really do. I might be drunk. Or just really, really horny.

   I love New England!!! (Clam Chowder)

   If you're happy and you know it.......you're probably single.

   The Queen just got out of the hospital from a gastroenterits.. I call it : "The Royal Flush"!

   WWE: 2 people fighting over a belt even though neither of them is wearing pants.

   When I was 12 my mom caught me dry humpin' my stuffed animal Tweety Bird.. we haven't made eye contact since.

   My Ultra Sensitive toothpaste doesn't like it when I use other toothpastes.

   If HR made employees settle their disputes with public dance-offs, everyone would try a lot harder to get along.

   My walk of shame is actually an escape plan.

   If I did road work I'd be that guy, the one who's leaning on his shovel and looks concerned while the other guys did all the work.

   Guns and Explosions in Disney Parks? I think they are opening a Pakistan Pavillion at Epcot!

   Ever wonder what it's like to be Amish? Get a blackberry. I'm practically milking cows and making candles over here.

   happy fathers day to all the ones who came home with the gallon of milk

   Women who are addicted to sex are called nymphomaniacs, men who are addicted to sex are called man

   what do we want? "a cure for obesity !" when do we want it? "after dinner!"

   I just tell ugly girls I have a paper bag fetish.

   Today I caught myself thinking of you and smiling... but it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.

   You had me at "I bet I can fit that whole thing in my mouth."

   Sometimes, the best kind of birth control is just good lighting.

   A recent study estimated that 8% of all Facebook accounts are fake… unless you count people's personalities, then that number jumps to 93%.