Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   RIP Harold Ramis - If there is ever a Ghostbunsters 3, I guess Egon will be the ghost they hunt...

   My spirit animal would run into a screen door.

   I bet Rosa Parks kicked ass at Musical Chairs.

   Got all my Christmas gifts bought early this year, hope everyone likes Halloween costumes-

   Adele's new album should come with a coupon for Ben & Jerry's.

   If Bill Cosby were black he'd be in jail by now.

   How much for the masturbation cocoon? Sir that's a sleeping bag.

   Why hasn't Head and Shoulders shampoo come out with a body wash called "Knees and Toes" ?

   The over spray from my windshield washer fluid just totaled a smart car.

   If you're looking for an ambitious girlfriend, I'd like you to know that I love being on top.

   not afraid of heights - but afraid of widths.

   Go to Google, type in Atari Breakout and click search, then images! You're welcome...

   asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

   Turns out Tiger was getting more 'tang than a thirsty astronaut.

   Type 2204355 and hit I'm feeling lucky in google... worth it

   I did what everyone did and changed my profile picture to my fave cartoon character and now am wondering, how on earth will this help me get laid?

   They should really replace, "I now pronounce you man and wife" with "FINISH HIM!!!" (mortal combat music blasting)

   now that the Chilean miners are out... any chance we can put the Jersey Shore cast in?

   An elephant to a naked man 'how do you breath through that thing'

   thanks dad for not pulling out.! Happy fathers day!!