Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Happiness, is just a liquor store away.

   Rich people stay rich by living like they are poor. Poor people stay poor by living like they are rich.

   Obama claimed he was the one to bring the races together... Hows that working for ya BLM?

   No one deserves people chanting outside their home. No one

   if your complaining about new statuses, maybe you should do your part and contribute a witty status yourself!

   Sometimes I go up the stairs & when I get there, I completely forget what I went up there for. So I masturbate. That's usually the reason.

   Hey I just met you and this is crazy. But I just ate bath salts and you look tasty

   My doctor recommended I increase the amount of Greens in my diet...so I started drinking more Rolling Rock.

   To pay for gas, I'm selling tickets that allow people to get lost in my eyes for 15 minutes.

   That rather uneasy moment when you are walking with your girl and you see a lesbian with a chick hotter than yours.

   Speaking from experience, No More Tears shampoo does not work as advertised if you drop the bottle on a baby's face.

   By the time I get to the bottom of the bottle, I don't really need an answer.

   I must assume that my cell phone is pro-choice based off the number of calls it has aborted!

   shocked.. who would have known Kim Kardashian would get a ring before LeBron James!

   wish Carlin was still here so I could hear his wiener jokes...

   My Life: Find out who's looking for you online for free! Ummm...guess they haven't heard of FB?

   I get my energy from my inner G dawg. Just kidding I'm white.

   Why do you LIKE your own status on facebook ? that's like texting yourself a question and replying back to yourself with your own answer

   You don't celebrate 420 if you get high everyday... That's like singing Happy Birthday to yourself everyday

   The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.