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How many years of college does it take to hold up one of those business signs on the side of the road again? 
I find it suspicious that everyone's personal god has the same beliefs as they do.
forgive your enemys nothing pisses them off more
Ok... Apparently its illegal to paint yourself blue and run around in the big leafy plant section at Walmart's and shout "Neytiri... I want you!"
...I love a girl who loves another girl who loves me...this is a strange triangle, but it could be interesting...
if facebook was an actual book we could call ourselves intellectuals...
Gotta love sharing a bathroom with elderly family after Thanksgiving Dinner...I feel like Andy Dufrain crawling thru those 200 hundred yards of pipe for freedom....
does not care where LeBron is going
My biggest regret in life is eating whatever that was I found under my keyboard about 10 minutes ago.
"This Cold Medicine Lasts 8 Hours" is the "I Promise I'll Pull Out, Baby" of the pharmaceutical industry.
The Wonderbra has truth in advertising. She takes it off, I wonder where the boobs went.
Sometimes the feelings we start to have again are feelings that never really went away in the first place.
now friends with Jose Cuervo
...Nothing says "this wont last"...quite like an engagement ring from Wal-Mart!
Dear Week, I am leaving you for the Weekend. I would say it's not you, it's me, but let's face it, it was you. Sincerely, Me
I always text 'lol' but rarely do I actually "laugh out loud". I'm such a liar.
Please hold while I put on my "Gosh I really care" face.
So here I am,at the hospital,in the O.R,with scaple in hand,wishing I hadn't lied on my resume about being a surgen...well here goes nothing!
When I see a woman post consistantly that "All men suck!", I reply with either "Perhaps the problem lies with you." Or "Tell us again who makes the choice to date these a$$holes?"
when everything seems overwhelming, I just reassure myself that I will die someday....
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