Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Ladies, Don't ever tell your man that you don't mind if he looks at other women. He'll remember that sh!t better than his social security number.

   Attention guy walking two feet behind me down the entire block even though we're the only people on this street: I will stab you in 10 feet.

   Skinny thugs dress like they're fat. Fat hipsters dress like they're skinny. Guys in drag dress like girls. Am I still considered normal anymore by wearing what I'm supposed to?

   thinks going to Target is like going to Wal Mart, only you feel alot better about yourself inside a Target!!

   mad props to New York for dressing up as New Orleans for Halloween.

   ٩(•̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃•̃)۶

   "I got 99 cookies cuz a b!tch ate one" ~ Cookie Monster

   85% of women go through life with the wrong bra size. Meanwhile every guy over 17 can tell you the exact measurement of their d!ck. Who's smarter now ladies?

   My girlfriends sister sat on my glasses and broke them earlier. I was was so pissed off. Though to be fair it was my own fault for leaving them on.

   Why is Monday so far away from Friday but Friday is so close to Monday?

   Facebook 101: Seriously, if you've got something to say to someone, say it to them DIRECTLY. Don't post it on your wall for everyone else to see because no one else is interested, and people will just think you're a egotist.

   Considering their thousand-year old dirty little secret, I wonder if the Vatican gets Amber alerts?

   I just watched 5min of The Daytona 500 and 3 of my teeth just fell out!

   I don't always drink milk, but when I do.... I prefer Dos Boobies. Stay thirsty my friends...

   It's cool to visit Mount Rushmore and remember the good old days, when a four-headed rock monster was President.

   The best things in life are free. The worst things in life will cost you half of everything you own.

   Being a virgin these days is something to be proud of; you're like a unicorn.

   Some people are worth holding on to. Some people are worth letting go. Most people are just a waste of space.

   (-.(-.(-.-).-).-) easy now... The Chinese mafia is watching.

   From this point on I propose that Herman Cain be known as Big Daddy Cain, and that he defend himself by saying 'It's a Big Daddy Thing.'