Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   do kids in china push in there eyes and say "haha I'm American"?

   when you go out drinking tonight don't forget to wish all the milfs at the bar a happy mothers day.

   So, Monday... we meet again. Are you going to play nice this time or do I have to knock you into next week?

   Attention Please: Christmas has been canceled. Apparently when you told Santa you've been good this year, he died laughing.

   Alcohol doesn't solve any problems…but then again, neither does milk.

   I like to stare at people. If they try to leave I put one finger on my ear and say The Buffalo is roaming. I repeat The Buffalo is roaming.

   Lazy Rule #33: If ice falls, kick it under the fridge.

   When I see a guy standing alone in front of a movie theater, I just want to go up to him and say "She told me to tell you she's not coming."

   I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup,,, and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever.

   If I stop my car for you to walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you! Knee's to chest b!tch , knee's to chest!!!

   I asked my mom one time why I was white and she was black. She said, " the way I remember the party you're lucky you don't bark."

   Women who build walls around yourselves, please consider putting in a gloryhole.

   I always wondered if songbirds get mad at hummingbirds for not knowing the lyrics...

   A Smart woman does not make babies with boyfriends.

   Cinco de Mayo. I don't see what the big deal is. The Mexicans were victorious over the French.........who can't beat the French

   ____&_____ <----- This totally looks like a person scooting there as$ on the floor..lol

   Wow, it's beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn't a glare on my screen.

   I hate it when you are looking for something and you realize that it is in your hand.

   Restraining orders: Just another way to say I LOVE YOUUU...

   doesn't believe in superstitions....it's bad luck!!