Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I hope to someday live in a world where we all remember which side the gas tank is on.

   I have seen a lot of women post on their Facebook about how they are missing their men, but I am yet to see a guy update his status about how much he is missing his woman. So my question is which men are these women missing?

   I asked my wife why her facebook password was SneezySleepyDopeyDocHappyBashfulGrumpy she said it needed to be seven characters

   whiskey: the official beverage of the FML

   I remember long ago I was going to make a big splash in this world...Turns out it was only a fart in the tub of life.

   You're the one who posted over a thousand pictures of yourself on-line, why does looking at them make me the weird one?"

   a smile is a sign of joy, a hug is a sign of love, a laugh is a sign of happiness and a friend like me...well...that's a sign of good taste.

   I wonder if those guys who stand in the corners and flip those billboard signs around all day actually applied for that job or did they lose a bet?

   Looks like the forecast for the week is scattered school days.

   What could possibly possess a parent to start a Facebook page for their 2yr. old? What would they (the child) do on here... Swap naptime stories, snack recipes and gossip about the playground with their Day Care buddies??

   One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.

   This is how my week goes mooooooooooooonday.. tuuuuuuuuuuuuesday... weeeeeeeeeeednesday... thuuuuuuuuuuursday.. fridaysaturdaysunday....

   Every woman has that ONE guy she will never lose feelings for, even if she gets married to another.

   Fellas, If a girl switches from Cowgirl to Doggy-Style on her own, without even needing to be told........ you have found a f*ck Goddess.

   RIP to the other guy in the car with Paul Walker who isn't being recognized because he's not famous.

   Every pair of panties can be a thong if your ass is hungry enough.

   Crying doesnt indicate that youre weak. Since birth, it has been a sign that youre alive.

   I hate it when my kid starts crying in the middle of the night and I have to get up to close the bedroom door.

   There's a 95% chance that you'll go through your whole life without ever knowing the next line to "Blinded By The Light."

   reading a book on the history of glue. and can't put it down