Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   It's so easy to criticize. Seriously, it's awesome how easy it is.

   I like my politicians like I like my coffee. I don't like coffee.

   My doctor drums up business by refusing to refill my prescriptions until I come in to sit in their waiting room full of people with the flu.

   If every nerd donated a dollar toward construction of a Millenium Falcon, we'd all be making the Kessel Run by May.

   I know New Year's Eve is long past, but I still like to kiss strangers at the stroke of midnight each night. The key is to not wake them.

   I feel better now that I have my Facebook friends ranked in descending order of who I'd eat in the event of a food shortage.

   Would love to grab one of those San Fran NFC Championship T-shirts before they're shipped to Uganda.

   For guys, Valentines day is yet another lets-give-it-a-shot-at-having-sex-with-her day.

   I don't care what the world knows about me just so long as my parents never finds out

   Logging into Facebook at work is like touching art at a museum: I can't help myself.

   If attitude was a tool I'd be a weapon of mass destruction, or at least a butter knife.

   Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

   thinks Toyota built the Staten Island Ferry.

   “We don't stop laughing because we grow old; We grow old because we stop laughing”

   Every time I burn dinner the fire alarm goes off and lets everyone in the neighborhood know. It's such an invasion of privacy.

   Good girls are bad girls that never get caught

   I don't like exercise so I'm not going to walk a mile in your shoes. I'll judge you standing right here.

   When they eventually find the center of the Universe, a lot of people will be surprised to find out it's NOT them...

   My plans for this weekend are so top secret even I don't know what they are.

   Well, at least the war on the environment is going well...