Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'm so happy Leonardo finally got an award, he was such a brilliant inventor and painter.

   The older I get, the harder it is to hold in my sigh

   I'm not here to fix your problems, i'm here to set an example of what happens when your problems don't get fixed.

   Based on the white smoke pouring out from under the hood of my car, it elected itself as the new pope.

   Little Known Fact: The Golden Girls was originally titled Depends on Friends

   Call me a skeptic but I doubt people LOL as much as they claim.

   Wal-mart closing 269 stores in 2016, putting 16 cashiers out of work

   The chances of me going to a party increases 100% if they have a dog.

   Pro tip: Guys, always be Frank with your sex partners. After all, you really don't want them to know your real name.

   *Eats one piece of popcorn* *Gets 280 kernels stuck in teeth*

   "How much for the man cave?" "Sir that's a doghouse." "Can you install cable?"

   You pay more attention to the TV than you do me! - Ma'am, do you want me to fix your cable or not?

   This all started when I told her to prove it.

   Fellas; You need to know that if her favorite movie is The Notebook, she will never be satisfied and happy.

   Why isn't a group of squid called a squad?

   My tolerance for alcohol is way higher than my tolerance for people

   Ask your doctor if it’s the right OCD medication for you... Then ask him 3 more times, knock on the wall twice and ensure the door is locked.

   Dear Mother Nature: Get off the Vortex aleready.

   It's hard to compliment a fake person without lying.

   My cover letter is just a picture of me in a sleeveless turtleneck karate chopping the word 'unemployment'