Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   finding when it comes to chickens, talk is cheep

   I sing along to songs I don't know the lyrics to.

   For my visit to the bank tomorrow, I've packed lacy lingerie, chloroform and a chainsaw. One way or another, I'm getting that loan.

   Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is..

   Life lesson #427:What doesn't kill you... will probably hurt like hell

   Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

   Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings….'

   Banks are the type of place that will give you money if you can prove you don't need it

   Apparently, "You're a douchebag!" isn't what my boss had in mind when he asked, "So, what do you think?"...I guess honesty isn't always the best policy...

   A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh.

   Having lunch with a man named Jack... Jack Daniels

   so poor that the alarm system in my house is a sheet of bubble wrap on the floor.

   buying an oompa loompa on E-bay

   I'm going to name my dog Curiosity and see what my cat loving friends think about that.

   Why is it a relationship often turns into a relationsh*t?

   You know you have a Facebook addiction if seeing the movie "The social network" is your Friday night fun!!

   If I ever go blind, I'm going to set up my entire house with strobe lights. That will really freak out my neighbors.

   I sometimes go to my own little world, but that's okay, they know me there.

   if meat is murder, I will have my murder medium rare done please...

   probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.