Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I love tequila because I like where I wake up to be a surprise.

   Happy Mayan new year!

   News Alert for New Years Eve!! Government warning!!! According to the Surgeon General: When women consume alcohol, it impairs their ability to say “no”! So.... who's buying me a drink?

   Taylor Swift set to release a new single about her her next boyfriend it's entitled, "You saw it coming"

   Its so cold outside I had to put Jack in my Coke to keep it from frezzing.

   During the outage the Harbaugh brothers built a pillow fort

   if you build something strong against fools, a more intelligent fool we appear and ruin all your effort.

   I was born to succeed, but then Facebook came along.

   1. Women can visit their girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, will call that same friend and they will talk for three hours

   I fell asleep on the couch last night & woke up thinking I was married.

   I dont blame some of these athletes wives for leaving them I mean seriously how do you sign million $ deals then go broke in a few years...

   After obsessively Googling symptoms for four hours, I discovered 'obsessively Googling symptoms' is a symptom of hypochondria.

   Scotland Yard is at a loss at how to stop rioters from coordinating looting via Blackberry. If only they knew someone who could hack phones.

   "My memory is so bad" "How bad is it" "How bad is what?"

   There's too much emphasis put on winning in life. I'm just trying for a participation ribbon.

   Persistenc​e • 1 yes is worth 100 no's!

   Y couldn't judgement day begin on Monday!? why did it had to ruin my weekend!?

   thinking that Harold Camping's mathematical equation involved a Magic 8-ball.

   Talking and speaking are entirely different things. So are hearing and listening.

   Rj is wondering...Where is Cupid's evil step brother Stupid?? who uses alcohol instead of arrows And causes one night stands?