Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   A Vegetarian is an old Indian word meaning "bad hunter."

   Apparently, it is nearly impossible for men to beat a women in any argument, because men have a need to make sense.

   drilled a hole in his head. Now he is bored

   This weekends forecast: Mostly drunk, scatterd shots and a slight chance of falling down..

   If you're happy and you know it...share your meds.

   My cat’s gonna be homeless unless he comes up with something funny to post on YouTube.

   There's no more dangerous entity on earth than a woman with a lot on her mind and nothing to do but think.

   Why is it that people who can eat really spicy food think the rest of us give a $hit?

   A gaggle of geese... A murder of crows... A nope of laundry.

   Orange juice with pulp? What is this, Fear Factor?

   Woman logic: Joins a free dating site and complains about men being cheap.

   If your pet has its own FB page, it might be time for a reality check...

   Things that don't kill bees: 1: furnutire polish 2: Febreeze 3: butter 4: screeming

   Forget Klondike, you should see what people do for open bar!

   How long are we gonna joke about the government shutting down and pretend like Skynet didn’t just go online?

   My favorite Facebook photo of your baby is easily #28,614

   The U.S. Army developed a pizza that stays good for 3 years. Finally, those billions in military spending paid off. Your move, Al Qaeda.

   Of all the advice given to me over the years, "There really is no bad time for a beer" has proved to be the most helpful. Thanks ma.

   I think I will dye some Easter eggs white this year

   Billion Dollar Idea: An app that deletes your phone number from other people's phones.