Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   It's amazing how a blue fish with memory trouble can be such a great motivational speaker! "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming".

   Hulu is coming to PS3. Finally I can watch TV on my TV.

   One day my imaginary friend said to me: ''Do realize I am the real one and I am imagining you, right?''

   - you know life is hard when gas prices are higher than your GPA!!

   Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

   Ok, so let me get this straight. So after a delicate and dangerous spec ops mission, the first priority for the US is to fly bin ladens body 1000 miles to the nearest water source to give him a customary burial at sea? Oh, ok.

   I always thought saying "What crawled up your butt and died" was funny, until the day I met a man with a story about a weasel...

   A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

   Ad on the internet : The Braile superstore - Thousands of Braile products, many of which you've never seen before.

   37% of Americans agree that while they would hate being British, they wouldn't mind having a British accent....

   Do you ever think that Kermit looked at Mrs. Piggy and said, gee.... I sure would like me some bacon.

   My girlfriend has the last word in any argument... Anything I say after that is the beginning of a new argument

   Feels horrible because he just congratulated a woman on a baby she wasnt having!!! Oops!

   You're my nothing. Why? Because nothing lasts forever.

   The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.

   the product of lust, obsession, and a boxed wine.

   n't letting people drive him crazy when he knows its within walking distance.

   took the road less traveled and now she's lost.

   If The Flintstones has taught us anything, it's that pelicans can be used to mix cement

   I'm gonna have to go ahead and agree with my body on this one.....I shouldn't have drank that......