Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   there a tax I can pay to end Covid-19 or does that only work with Climate Change?

   Once a Clinton, always a liar.

   Republicans Hate dead people ... They want to deny them their right to vote.

   You know you've made a serious vocational error, if you're covered in blood, crap, or oil by 6am.

   Even though my house has an alarm, I still like to set booby traps...just in case.

   The 'Will be ready in 5 mins" of a woman and the "Will call you back in 5 mins" of a man are same thing!

   I'm not trying to be perfect, I'm trying to be better than I was the day before.

   Hey, hey! Now, don't you tell me you don't remember me because I sure as heckfire remember you.

   I'm going to write a WalMart How to Guide, it will ask questions like 1. Does this shirt make me look like a broken can of Pillsbury biscuits? 2 It's 13 degrees out, should I really wear a long sleeve T, shorts and flip flops?

   Just once I'd like the ref to say "Heads you live, Tails you die" before the coin toss.

   I put my Xbox Achievments on College Applications. I got accepted to Princeton

   At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.

   My wife has got a Licence To Kill. Or Driving Licence as she likes to calls it.

   Having a girlfriend is like racking up credit card debit. Exciting for awhile, before becoming a financial burden that prevents you from enjoying cool activities with your friends

   I'm amazed at how many people got engaged or married today. Love is truly in the air. Now if you'll excuse me, a Nigerian prince needs my help transferring funds.

   Go to your profile, look to the right. Now annoy those 8 friends by tagging them in a stupid post about the zombie apoclyspe, or bank robbery, and let them know you have no life.

   There's a limited amount of people whose feelings I care for. The rest of you all can go to a therapist for that.

   I think that the term "wife beater" wins the award for most Widely accepted unacceptable phrase.

   There are no automatic doors. Just gentlemen ninjas.

   "Use As Directed" is just a personal challenge to my creativity.