Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Its funny how parents say its their house but when its time to clean it magically becomes my house too

   I got a pet wussy. LIKE if you read that wrong.

   Guys, clean up your!̸̶͚͖͖̩̻̩̗͍̮̙̈͊͛̈͒̍̐ͣͩ̋ͨ̓̊̌̈̊́̚͝͠ͅ ̷̧̢̛͖̤̟̺̫̗͚̗͖ͪ̏̔̔̒́ͥ̓ͫ̀ͤ̇ͥ͝ ̡̊͛̇ ͫ̉ͦ̊̀̔ͧͮ͆̽ͦͩ͋̌͗̚̚҉̵͖̟͙̮͈̼̹̞͝ͅscreen ;D

   During sex, do you think midgets do it puppystyle?

   95% of all Fords sold in the last 20 years are still on the road today. The other 5% actually made it home.

   a ventriloquist. I can put my hand up your skirt and make your lips move!

   Good girls bend at the kness. BAD girls bend at the waist. ;)

   Indians and their Discount. I asked Rajesh what time is it? He replied, " Its 3 O'clock my friend bt for you I will make it 2.30".

   There are a lot of deadbeat dads out there trying to make up for lost time by "liking" their grown children's facebook updates.

   I wish bugs understood the concept of personal space

   That feel good feeling when someone walks into your life and you know there going to make an impact on your life :)

   Dear anchormen: We all have the Internet now. Why do you even exist still?

   If she asks you to be in an open relationship, tell her to walk out that open door. She's a slut.

   depending on which clock I look at in my house, i'm either really early, or really late...

   If you can read this please let me know because, it means I blocked the wrong person. I'm still getting used to this Stupid timeline!

   There are two types of people in the world: 1. People who understand and appreciate sarcasm. 2. Morons.

   The 2012 Alzheimer's Easter Egg Hunt has been cancelled....... The 2011 hunt is still going on....

   Today is National Stalking Awareness Day so I'd like to give you this pamphlet. I'll just wait outside your house.

   Just had a Popsicle and the riddle was: "Q: What's purple and cold and filled with the spit of underpaid Popsicle writers?"

   They should make vodka lip gloss....