Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I can't wait till October for when Rapture the sequel comes out.

   What do you call nun in a wheel chair.. Virgin Mobile

   if your blonde and attractive... stay away from Aruba

   if you're ever attacked by a bunch of clowns... Go for the Juggler!!!

   I remember 2011 like it was yesterday

   To those who oppose Governor Desantis' covid revisions, kindly remain locked up in your homes with your masks firmly attached to your faces along with your heads up your a$$es.

   My alarm clock is clearly jealous of my amazing relationship with my bed.

   NO ONE make any sudden moves,...the sun is out and I dont want you to scare it away.!!!

   feels like this thing has turned into an FML website... but they arent even funny now

   I question the marketing department at car dealerships. Does anyone drive by and say "Look balloons! I gotta buy a car!"

   You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac... you're welcome.

   Did you hear that the new and politically correct name for 'lesbian'. It has been changed to 'vagitarian'. 

   Excuse but your status is showing

   wondering WHY does Barnes & Noble have all their books on back pain on the bottom shelf? WTF?!

   I was at a cash machine when an old lady walked up and asked me to help her check her balance. So I pushed her over.

   I just ate so much ravioli I could sh*t an Italian. If it turns out to be Snooki, you all better thank me when I flush that crazy b*tch.

   Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.

   F*ck your Four Loko. I swallowed my Day-Quil with 5 Hour energy & a latte & now my pet unicorn Steve & I are off to bake cheesecakes.

   What is a girlfriend?? Addition of problems. Subtraction of money. Multiplication of enemies. Division of friends.

   men's prison is a lot like facebook...if someone really likes you, they'll poke you a lot