Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   How come TSA always "randomly" searches my luggage, but I can't randomly hit the lotto

   So...that guy took hostages at the Discovery Channel HQ in order to get them to change their programming? Has he seen how awesome Shark Week is? I would think that bombing TLC is more understandable...

   I will play fair when I get to make up the rules.

   Seriously considering quitting my job. The lack of cellphone service makes it incredibly hard to avoid working.

   if only priceline has health insurance...then there would be no need for goverment intervention

   BP says their latest cleanup technique is called a "Dirty Sanchez." I don't want details.

   The fine print on Krazy Glue reads, "The only two things this product will successfully attach are your fingers and this tube."

   noticed that piracy is killing the music industry. You try playing the guitar with a hook

   Every morning around this time I start to wonder if I'm the maury type

   On the right side of my facebook it says people you may know. Everytime I click it there are bartenders and Hooters girls on the top of the list... Am I doing something wrong?

   You feel safer when you're wearing clothes, even though they don't actually offer very much protection.

   If I seduce it, really get it going, then leave it alone for ten minutes,maybe this paper will finish itself.

   In short, you have all the social prospects of a garden gnome.

   after all is said and done, a lot more will have been said than done.

   The things I do to impress people probably impresses me the most

   AT&T makes it very easy to play hard to get.

   Complex problems have simple, easy to understand, wrong answers.

   Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools and idiots are on the same side.

   I'll never forget the first time we met. Although, I will keep trying. :)

   I've always had an over active imagination. Like one time I found myself drowning in an ocean made out of tango, it took me a while to work out it was just a fanta sea.