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The star of this debate...the fly. 😂😂😂😂 
Put my phone on airplane mode and some bloke came over and dragged me out of the house.
Does anyone know a phone number to a good psychiatrist?.Oh it's not for me, it's for the people who still believe they'll get a check from Bill Gates for sharing and reposting a chain letter to all their friends.
How different our world would be if the time & money invested to create the various ways to destroy each other was used to save us instead.
They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love, after marriage, it is self-defense.
Do not put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
Today I ask God for patience to deal with stupid people and courage to tolerate their ignorance, because Lord only knows if I ask for strength I might beat them to death...
Puerto Rico is showing us how to make teenagers and their annoying smartphones disappear - just cut the power
Place a "DRY PAINT" sign on a park bench. And watch how many people avoid sitting on the bench.
I successfully said "Worcestershire sauce" today!
i wear a mask when I sleep, because who knows who’s going to come into an Arby’s bathroom this close to the highway
Every Coronavirus post on Facebook should just start with, “First off, I have no idea what i’m talking about.”
Some people dream of doing great things with their lives, my dream is to have an alpaca named Al Pacacino.
Mashed potatoes with the skin still on them was invented by a person who was peeling potatoes and eventually said screw it.
Want to know the secret to looking young? Pick up a bottle of sunblock, and put it on 20 years ago.
I slept under the Christmas tree once when I was 9 waiting for Santa. And once when I was 35 waiting for the room to stop spinning.
My girl and I decided never to go to sleep angry at each other. We’ve been awake since Friday
Whenever I see a Toyota Prius pulled over for speeding the first thing I look for is a ACME rocket mounted on the roof.
Wanna know why there's power outages in Texas, Carol F-ing Baskin
Sex with me is like eating spaghetti with a spoon. 