Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I hate when a rap song comes on and I'm white.

   It should be a rule that if you dress up like a sea captain, you get a free dinner at Red Lobster. I'll pay this time, but I'm not happy.

   All we are saying, is give PEEPS a chance.

   During the opening Olympic ceramony I thought the Chinese uniforms looked pretty good!....And the ones worn by the Chinese team weren't too bad either!!!

   its no longer the little birdy that told you something. now days its "i seen it on facebook."

   Your worst enemy lives in your head.

   nothing makes me forget something faster than your reminder.

   Reading some of the crap on Facebook makes me want to go watch an R rated movie just because I know whiny children won't be there.

   If you can take my girl, then you can have her. If I can take your girl, then you can have her too.

   Look ma, no meds!

   I hate when I think I've found a parking space, only for it to turn out to be a cart corral.

   Best Way to deal with High School Bullies: Grow up to be smarter, richer and better looking than them and then add them on Facebook.

   If I'm napping in my car, don't wake me up unless I'm driving

   I would "like" many interests, tv shows, people, etc on facebook except I don't want to see the stupid wall posts I get as a result of it.

   I do not, and never will, know my confirmation number.

   I wonder if people with eye patches thought it was all fun and games.

   Can facebook just give me one big ass button to press so that nobody is ever able to invite me to any event or group?

   My doctor told me to take more walks, so this will be my fifth cakewalk this week. I've gained seven pounds.

   The only thing you accomplish by getting all riled up is producing entertainment for others.

   WHen some one says "Hey, can I borrow a pen?", I think *Hmmm, which pen do I not need back?*