Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   People that have 7 kids, let's be honest.....do you actually LOVE all those kids?

   All I want for Cristmas is to go to Walmart and there be no people

   Bears are just men who were abandoned by their wives and haven't shaved since then.

   Besides yourself, which individual disappointed you the most in 2013?

   Hi,,, I'm here for an oil change and an estimate for $100's of dollars of work that I'll say I'll get done another time but never come back.

   Just put some trousers on I last wore at a wedding in 2001 and found a Nokia 3210 in the back pocket. It's still got 2 bars of battery on it.

   "Thesaurus", Was the first dinosaur to get murdered... Ugh, No one likes a know it all.

   I'm going to the gym now. Not bragging. Just want you to know where to send the ambulance.

   If you didn't want to be hit with a shovel then you never should have started telling me about your problems.

   After all these years of working in I.T., I have come to the following conclusion: "Dilbert" is not a comic strip. It's a documentary.

   Facebook features three types of women: hot, photoshopped hot, and a dog for a profile pic.

   If you think your job stinks, how would you like to be a member of the camera crew that has to follow the Kardashians 24/7.

   My Wife told me to stop impersonating a Flamingo..............I had to put my foot down

   Hey smoke detectors, feel free to use that last bit of battery life to continue monitoring fires instead of getting all beepy.

   Snowstorm so white Jada Pinkett-Smith is boycotting it.

   I hate it when I shake it too hard & a drop of pee hits me in the face. These guys probably think it's my first day as a bathroom attendant.

   Any girl is a stripper if you wait outside her window long enough

   A guy at a stoplight angrily pointed and yelled at me, so I smiled at him and mouthed "I love this song too!"

   If I was rich and Asian, there's a 100% chance I'd change my name to Cha Ching.

   A good way to kill someone with kindness is to strangle them with a sweater you spent weeks knitting for them.