Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The best thing about sex is that part where I have it.

   Alec Baldwin wouldn't have been booted from the plane today if he played the part of the pilot

   I find SpongeBob to be a little self-absorbed.

   wut the hell..no more jokes? my fb fanz gon b pissed

   Dear karma, I have a list of people you missed....

   Wow these ranch flavored mini rice cakes really taste like I could have saved $2.49 by just dipping those styrofoam packaging peanuts in ranch dressing.....

   If ‘ifs' and ‘buts' were candy and nuts, we'd all have a merry Christmas.

   When a mime dies, do mourners ask for a moment of talking?

   Everything happens for a reason. Getting stupid and making poor decisions are the most common reasons.

   Teddy Kennedy, Slick Willie, & Harvey Weinstein...all champions for women's rights!

   This might as well be CNN or FOX NEWS

   don't you just love those who have no education who spout their ridiculous uninformed views all over the place?

   We should throw a politician in jail every day for the next 10 years. Even if we don’t know why, they do.

   I Hate when my wife asks me to hold her purse at the grocery store line,, cause I really don't like being that guy holding two purses.

   Has anyone created a national do not poke list for Facebook yet?

   I remember how it felt soooo good to turn my lights out for Earth Hour... On hindsight, I probably shouldn't have been driving at the time.

   What an idiot that Maury is, inviting me onto his "Father's Day DNA special"..... I don't even have any kids.

   I make her coffee every morning exactly the way she likes it because I love her... and because if I didn't she would stab me repeatedly.!

   Using Latin phrases to sound smart is my modus operandi.

   It's been an exhausting day of pretending I'm a pleasant person.