Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   What if there were no hypothetical questions?

   Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve bottles of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.

   Kim Jong il last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."

   How can you tell when your wife is dead? Well the sex is pretty much the same but the dishes start piling up.

   dear GPS, please add an, "avoid ghetto" option.

   Today, for the first time in history - France did not surrender!! They actually fought!

   Look down ur shirt and spell ATTIC.

   Last minute Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect.

   if you are reading this status between 7AM and 5 PM--Get a Job!! OR-- Get back to WORK!!

   Speak English, kiss French, drive German, dress Italian, spend Arab, party Caribbean.

   I hate texting people first. I feel awkward, annoying and unwanted

   According to the replacement referees...if you're holding a baby & I hug you, I officially get your baby...

   Ladies... If it takes you more than a hour to get ready, you aren't as cute as you think you are.

   For $100,,,, I'll come to your house and name all of your plants.

   You can never own too many cell phone chargers.

   Dear Cellphone companies>>>Please add an "Unsend my text" option!!

   I met this Chinese guy named Ho Lee Chit... (^_^)

   I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance by dropping my car insurance and not having car insurance.

   When I watch MTV cribs I don't feel bad about downloading music illegally.

   between parkinson's and alzheimer's I would rather have Parkinson's. I would rather spill a little beer than forget where I put it.