Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Maroon 5's song "Payphone" - my kids heard that song and asked, what's a payphone?

   I bet black unicorns have the biggest horns.

   Alcohol is the worst thing in the world... My friend had a lot last night and ended up saying - "I love you" to his Own Wife !!!

   it poontang or puddingtang?.....I need to know real fast this English Composition is due today!!!

   If you have time to update your status after your wedding, you're doing it wrong.

   Apple is suing the family of Sir Isaac Newton. On the grounds he had no right using the apple to prove the theory of gravity.

   I have no idea how to get off the internet...

   Look, I can only be responsible for understanding my portion of the conversation.

   All women are crazy, but it takes just one a$$hole to bring it out

   Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Of course, now your life will be shorter than it was yesterday. Way to waste yesterday, MORON!

   I'll stand at the front door until she finally asks, “Are you coming inside?” It never gets old.

   Letting someone with braces blow you is like a Saw movie to your p enis.

   “According to greek mythology, humans were originally created with 4 arms, 4 legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.”

   Got home from work,, The Athlete in me said go bike 10 miles, but then the Couch Potato in me said, kick back, have a drink and turn on the boob tube.....

   The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking.

   sometimes my life feels like a 40 year long episode of Punk'd...

   Growing up is basically moving yourself from a state of blissful ignorance to one of agonizing awareness.

   Kind of wish I didn't choose the thug life, everyone's really mean.

   Need to get up early tomorrow so I've set my neighbor's leaf blower for 6 a.m.

   Internet dating is like ordering fast food, It looks really good in the picture, but when you see it in person its a whole different ballgame.