Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   They praise and call Brice brave for changing into a woman. They hail it as an achievement. This world has really gone to the dogs. I remember a time when bravery was risking your life fighting against the Nazi. Achievement was landing on the moon.

   Well it's July and almost 100 degrees. Walmart should be putting the Christmas stuff out any day now.

   That moment when you lose your black friend in the dark.

   I'm so proud of my African pen pal friend. He tells me he hasn't had a drink in weeks. I'm so glad, he's staying sober.

   I was waiting for a call last night so I put my phone under my pillow, woke up this morning - phone was gone and $1 was in its place...damn tooth fairy....

   reality is an illusion caused by lack of alcohol

   ...When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

   - For sale:- One pair of world cup football boots, mint condition, no scuffs, Contact Wayne Rooney for more info.

   all for gay marriage. Why should straight people have all the misery?

   My wife and I have an agreement...I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run my life.

   there's nothing like leaving king kong's finger in the local service station's toilet ......

   If the meaning of life is the greatest mystery of all, why don't we put Matlock on the case? You know what I'm talking about…AWWW YEAH

   When a woman says “What?” It's not because didn't hear you, she's just giving you a chance to change what you said!

   Updating my status in the car. Don't worry, I'm in the passenger seat. Which makes it harder to drive, but fools the cops.

   My doctor e-mailed me asking if I knew my “blod group”. I replied, “typo.”

   If I had nickel for everyime you made me angry, I'd put them in a bag and beat you with them.

   Awkward....That moment when you think you are being helpful by telling someone they "got a lil dirt on their forehead" and they tell you it's Ash Wednesday.

   I propose we walk everywhere for the rest of our lives. That'll show those evil oil companies!!

   Did you blow Bubbles when you were younger? Well, he's back in town and wants your number.

   Someday, I hope to disappoint a burglar with my one and only possession. A kitchen drawer filled with Taco Bell sauce packets.