Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I know dream catchers don't work,, because I've never seen one in a car worth more than three thousand dollars.

   I'm not sure about you guys, but I'm pretty sure if she can sell seashells by the sea shore, she also has pretty big boobs.

   When you grow up you get better gifts for being naughty.

   so what are you going to be for halloween? well, I was thinking about being, well, intoxicated

   Someone ask me what I was gonna be for Halloween, I said sober. No one will no its me..

   Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

   happy to learn what bra color all my female friends are wearing today! I don't belive any of you...send pics just so I know your not lying to me....

   Hangover in progress.....please donot disturb

   A smile is like tight underwear ... it makes your cheeks go up

   Paris Hilton arrested for Cocaine possession.In other shocking news - Earth is still round, & the sky is still blue.

   Grumpy old man: "You need to pick up after your dog." Me: "It's pee! If you want to grab a straw and suck it up, be my guest."

   I plead contemporary insanity.

   I feel a sin comin on....

   I like my ice at room temperature.

   I bought a Tempurpedic mattress just so that I'd have an excuse to go to sleep with a giant glass of wine every night.

   I may not be an organ donor, but I owe it to mankind to donate my humor to science!

   What's another word for synonym?

   With the 50 new profile choices for gender identity on Facebook, why can't I select "straight male"?

   Keep calm and massively overuse a slogan

   I paid 4 the lady in front of me at Starbucks. She hugged me. Deciding when it's the right time 2 tell her I hit her car in the parking lot.