Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   RELIGION: because reading one book is a lot easier than a whole bunch of hard ones.

   To all the Moms: "Happy Mothers Day"! And to all the Dads: "Happy Sunday.. Mother Fu€Kers"!!

   Worshiping Royalty is the opposite of what America was founded on.

   "What's that!! An earthquake?" "YES!! RUN!!!" "OMG, WAIT" *runs to the computer and writes on Facebook* EARTHQUAAAAAAAKE!!!

   What's the difference between light and hard? You can sleep with a light on.

   you know....I might not be "Smarter Than a 5th Grader"....but I can buy booze!....so Booyah B!itches!!

   girlscouts suck! I ate like 20 boxes of thin mints and I'm not any thinner

   I locked my coat hanger in the car...it's a good thing I carry a spare set of keys

   When I see insane people on the street talking to themselves I want to tell them about Twitter.

   Fun Fact: If you wear a shirt and tie into WalMart, people will ask for your autograph because they think you're the President.

   When I was your age, I had to download porn on a dial up connection.

   Love means never having to say anything because you're both looking at your smart phones.

   Shower = 2% Wash Body | 3% Wash Hair | 95% Contemplate Life.

   I'm pretty sure country music singers are all just the same guy wearing different hats.

   Last time I was upset, my dog brought me all of his toys and laid on my head.

   I think Words with Friends... should really be called... Scrabble with Cheaters!

   HA! If you think I'M crazy you should meet ME!

   Miracles do happen even on Facebook and Twitter. Come Sunday and suddenly everyone becomes a preacher.

   I'm the kind of guy who tells an angry albino to lighten up

   If Apple had a nickle for every time an iPhone dropped it's connection they'd be one of the richest companies in the.......... Oh.