Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Shaq maybe retiring, but his movies will live on forever (in the bargain bin at Wal-Mart).

   In this kind of weather I expected to see more boobs hanging out.

   Doing Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To

   If two trains leave New York, one heading west at 40mph and the other heading south at 35mph, where are my car keys?

   just depressed:( I mean come on, really who took my crayons?

   The worst thing about drugs is running out...

   Spent two hours trying to lick his elbow...brought back memories of an akward time during puberty

   Bin Laden is probably blending in, the best way he can, driving a taxicab.

   One thing I think the world can agree upon… Any day when you can stay in pajamas the whole day is a good day.

   Lets change the name of Americas Got Talent to America Will Watch Anything.

   Please don't dress like a slut unless you're really a slut...It's very confusing to us guys.

   The doctor said I may have a strained abdominal muscle which is cool because that means I have an abdominal muscle

   walk dead fans. ever notice that the grass out side is never high. so do zombies mow the grass when they are not eating brains. I dont mow my grass for 2 weeks and I cant see out my living room window.

   Women that cheat on their man with his best friend are the sluts of the earth.

   Today is the American Thanksgiving or as we in Canada like to call it...Thursday. Happy Thanksgiving you funny people...

   If I ever get a vasectomy, I'm going to ask the doctor if they can make it so that, everytime I ejaculate, a little flag pops out that say “BAM!”

   Unfortunately, there was a lot more camel toe than mistletoe at the office Christmas party last night.

   I've always pictured myself taking selfies.

   If more people carried guns the bad guys would get off fewer shots.

   Well, well, well...look who's come crawling back,,, asking me to repair the tire on their wheelchair.