Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If I ever get stranded on a Dessert Island, I hope it’s a Cherry Cheesecake.

   Dear History Channel: I remember when you used to have stuff about History. -MTV

   I've decided to invest in fine art. I don't really know much about art though; I'm just in it for the Monet.

   A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge says, "First offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson, then a Fender!"

   Life's too short to wonder why I have no pants on while hugging you. Don't make this awkward.

   Hey if you guys see a chameleon, it's mine. If you don't, that ones mine too.

   "Oh no, no, no! I'm a rocket man!" ~ KimJong Ung

   I refuse to jump on the ‘I hate Mondays’ bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally..

   Whenever you are having a bad day, keep in mind someone's favorite Batman was George Clooney.

   I wish I'd say "Yes" to an aisle seat. Now I'm at the window, drunk and in charge of the emergency door. In case of emergency, climb over me.

   if you own a body shop and it's not called "Auto Correct", then what's the point?

   Pokemon Go is already more popular than Tinder, another app where you swipe to find monsters in your area.

   How long after shaking my money-maker should I expect a check?

   Sometimes when life closes one door it opens another, because apparently life is trying to air condition the whole damned neighborhood.

   If Santa Claus had a FB account,,,, none of us would get presents.

   Putin has an 82% approval rating. The other 18% will be dead soon.

   The only person excited to find out about Hillary's Body Double is Bill Clinton.

   I always close my eyes when I kiss a girl .... Experience tells me that if my eyes are open, I get a heck of a lot more pepper spray in them.

   Do we lazy people go to hell OR do they send someone to pick us up?

   Apparently you will need a firearm license before purchasing the Note 7 replacement