Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon I always close my eyes when I kiss a girl .... Experience tells me that if my eyes are open, I get a heck of a lot more pepper spray in them.
←Rate | 09-20-2016 18:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do we lazy people go to hell OR do they send someone to pick us up?
←Rate | 09-24-2016 11:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently you will need a firearm license before purchasing the Note 7 replacement
←Rate | 10-11-2016 12:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I work as a waiter. The pay isn’t great but I put food on the table.
←Rate | 10-22-2016 11:09 by thejoke.cafe Comments (0)  


   messageicon For the past month I have woken up to find hundreds of flowers with no heads all over my doorstep, garden and drive. I think I’m being stalked
←Rate | 10-22-2016 11:15 by thejoke.cafe Comments (0)  


   messageicon No amount of college can prepare you for how angry you'll get at the way people park in the real word.
←Rate | 10-25-2016 01:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just saw a lady walking down the street who looked like she was made out of 80% boot and 20% scarf.
←Rate | 10-25-2016 02:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bad news, A friend of mine fell into a reupholstering machine. Good news, Hes now recovered.
←Rate | 04-19-2017 16:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Reverse cowgirl, cause eye contact is extra.
←Rate | 05-04-2017 13:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish they would stop making things out of unicorns, , those things are already almost extinct
←Rate | 05-10-2017 07:34 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon n’t it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and another that’s like “I don’t know how to hold a pencil"
←Rate | 06-29-2017 08:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you've gone Commando a few times in your life.
←Rate | 07-13-2017 08:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I ever get stranded on a Dessert Island, I hope it’s a Cherry Cheesecake.
←Rate | 08-05-2017 06:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear History Channel: I remember when you used to have stuff about History. -MTV
←Rate | 08-09-2017 10:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've decided to invest in fine art. I don't really know much about art though; I'm just in it for the Monet.
←Rate | 08-09-2017 10:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge says, "First offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson, then a Fender!"
←Rate | 08-23-2017 14:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life's too short to wonder why I have no pants on while hugging you. Don't make this awkward.
←Rate | 09-11-2017 03:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey if you guys see a chameleon, it's mine. If you don't, that ones mine too.
←Rate | 09-18-2017 02:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Oh no, no, no! I'm a rocket man!" ~ KimJong Ung
←Rate | 09-19-2017 19:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s funny to me when a cop says “you know why I pulled you over?” As if I’m gonna snitch myself out, or possibly get it wrong and end up with two charges
←Rate | 04-26-2018 23:56 Comments (1)  



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