Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If its good, it's wonderful, if it's bad, it's experience...no regrets.

   I think I smoked less before I quit smoking.

   Life is like an FB friend list, people come into your life an present unlimited possibilities. What you do with them is up to you. Some you interact with. Some you don't . And some you say "Who the heck is this person and what are they doing in my life?

   you be very careful out there today, we're at terror alert orange! Which means something might go down somewhere in some way at some point in time.

   on a bus with his goldfish Gill, going to Lake Winnipesaukee to see Dr. Leo Marvin.

   drives way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

   Life is just defying death

   she looked good from far,but when she got up close she was far from good.

   Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever."

   I went to a restaurant today and there was a big sign ---> "Employees caught speaking Spanish will be paid in Pesos."

   It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

   Oh baby, I can't wait to get you alone and see what you look like without a mask

   came home to find the cat drunk again. the dog of course said nothing.

   My wife says she can breakdown cardboard packaging for the recycling bin better than I can. I think I will just let her have that one.

   My charger only works if my phone is on a 45 degree angle, resting on a tiny pillow with Pat Benatar playing quietly in the background.

   sometimes when I think that I might be about to do something stupid or ill-advised, I think of grandma’s last words to me: “don’t unplug that”

   I overheard my neighbor tell someone on the phone that I was creepy. I was so mad I almost crawled out from under the bed & confronted her.

   All the leaves on my yard look like all the lotto tickets I bought in my life.

   Anybody else feel that their calculator history is more embarrassing then their browsing history?

   I’ve failed the “I am not a robot” captchas so often the robots have started including me in their World Domination chat rooms and bake sales.