Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If I win $425 Million next Wednesday, what do you want for Christmas?

   So, which Pope is your favorite going into the combine?

   I can't afford a Carnival Cruise this year so I'm just going to hang out at a Porta-Potty near the beach.

   I did not steal your drink. You abandoned it and I rescued it...

   A survey found 95% of men don't know how to turn a dishwasher on. Personally I find licking her nipples and a light fingering does the trick.

   can't help but notice that fettucini alfredo is just fancy adult speak for macaroni and cheese.

   I stood in front of a mirror for 10 minutes to watch myself blink... I missed it everytime!

   wondering why his daughter's diaper holds no where near the 22-37 pounds it promises.

   doesn't want a happy ending... that implies something has to end. Me... I want a fantastic right now!

   .......and thats how I got kicked in the balls by Mickey Mouse!!!

   facebook-The only place where married men can poke multiple hotties and stay married.

   Dear US Government - Thank you for spending $75 Million on shooting a missile to the moon, which found nothing. Why give the money to worthy causes here on the home-front like breast cancer, or families of fallen veterans; any number of worthy causes?

   To boost sales,I think fast food chains should add an adult toy to there value menu.

   Call the Nestle Crunch Hotline at 1-800-295-0051. When you are asked if you want to continue in English or Spanish, just wait quietly for about 10 seconds and enjoy. :) Keep going and press option 4. Listen to the options...then press 7.

   Why does it take longer to build a blond snowman???? Because you have to hollow the head out.....

   Next time you pull up to a BP station, say, "I'll have whatever the pelicans are having."

   instead of complaining about the crappy posts here, lets see if you can do any better!!!

   PMS + GPS = Crazy biotch that WILL find you.

   Winter Weather: where a couple of inches will keep a woman in bed all day.

   : OK, I didn't get what I want for Xmas.... I'm coming after you FAT MAN IN A RED SUIT!!! And don't think I'm not gonna egg your sleigh either!