Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   do me a favor, next time you have to "go to the left of your profile and select the first 8 friends", just go ahead and punch yourself in the face. And remember, NO CHEATING!!

   I only make a lot of spelling and grammar errors because I have type-o blood.

   Dear Yahoo, I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying... Sincerely, Google

   ...and then the doctor slapped my little bottom and handed me to her. - How I Met My Mother

   I'm not a stalker I'm just bad with goodbyes

   Just because you have headphones in your ears blocking external sound, does not mean your farts to not make noise.

   If they EVER put a DUI checkpoint at a Taco Bell drive-thru, it's safe to say we're all screwed.

   If the NBA season is canceled, then LeBron James will have to travel somewhere to choke in June.

   I bet Sandusky is having issues sleeping, maybe he should call Dr Conrad Murray.

   i guess its getting time to do my christmas shopping,i will go to the dollar store for my big gifts and from there I will come back home and see if I can find somethings around the house that they havn't seen in awhile.

   If history repeats itself, I'm totally getting a dinosaur!

   Once it has been crushed completely, you will find that your spirit is much easier to snort.

   I haven't had secks in so long, I've even forgotten how to spell it.

   Danica Patrick is on the pole. That has a nice ring to it....

   Sort of embarrassing when the babysitter shows up, and I don't have kids, and then it's $300 an hour.

   Dear Doctor Phil: I am 16 years old and I am not pregnant yet, does that mean my brother is g@y?

   Half eaten Swiss Cake Rolls taste twice as delicious when snatched from the desperate grip of a small child.

   when I'm at the supermarket I like to look at my cashier straight in the eyes and tell her I see you checking me out girl!!!!

   It's so adorable how MySpace keeps sending me reminders to come back.

   when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers..