Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Why should Libs be buried 100 feet deep? Because deep down, they're really good people.

   Jack and Jill went up the hill so he could lick her candy, but Jack got a shock and a mouth full of c0ck 'cause Jills real name is Randy

   Everyday I'm shoveling!

   That amazing moment when you smack the remote and it actually works!

   I wasn't sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and sh*t myself.

   Life isn't about net worth. It's about self worth.

   Facebook stock continues to lose value, in fact it's so bad, hundreds of farmville farms are going into foreclosure.

   I just went outside and I'm completely swarmed by jobs. All over me. Can't get them off.......Help

   My name is Fred and I'm a survivor. If you are out there..if anyone is out there. I can provide food/shelter..Anybody please....U are not alone....

   Contrary to what you may think, my moral compass is not broken. It just happens to be pointing toward hell

   Please pray that Jamie Lee Curtis finally eats enough goddamn yogurt that she poops

   wondering why people think bartenders care about your misrable life. We dont! Now leave some cash and be on your way!

   To the advice of my lawyer, it's in my best intrest not to post a status tonight.

   Don't make the same typo I did in a text to my girlfriend: "Having a great time wish you were her."

   Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kid pointed to his crotch all day and said "woody!"

   I'd rather check my Facebook than face my checkbook!

   A man on a date wonders if he'll get lucky. The woman already knows.

   thinks it's inappropriate for Sea World to have a seafood restaurant.

   When David Beckham scored, I'd drink BECKS, when Paul Scholes scored, I'd drink SKOL, when Kenny Miller scored, I'd drink MILLER. Thank God David Seaman played as a goalkeeper!

   Just because I flirt with you doesnt mean I like you.