Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I will be thankful if whoever came up with this retarded "thankful" movement on facebook gets hit by a bus.

   Jesus had a snuggie first

   Not to brag, but I can have any girl I don't want.

   Bye bye "San-butt-sky"!!! 422 years won't be so bad...With good bahavior you'll be out in 200 or so...So long dirtbag!!!

   It's funny to watch you girls on Facebook whine and cry about your drama in one status and then the next....10 mins later "Pedi's, mani's now and drinks with my besties later, life is great"!!

   If you watched a movie of my life backwards it'd be about a guy who refills vodka bottles and puts them back on the self.

   Some Where In The Ghetto there's a girl using her EBT card like it's a VISA. "What you mean it declined, try that shhit again".

   Coffee is nature's way of saying “Go ahead, get drunk on a weeknight, I got your back!”

   Tax question: Is it technically considered cheating if you claim your 200 facebook followers as dependents?

   There's a thin line between “I should do a status update about that” and “I should talk to a therapist about that.” ツ

   Dont you hate when you open a bag of chips and its only 30% full? Thats how guys feel about push up bras.

   If you live anywhere near the "Occupy Wall Street" protest, I suggest you NOT dress up as a Port-O-Potty this Halloween!

   God has a habit of changing nobodies into somebodies.

   i wake up, stare at the ceiling, I'm alive, what a beautiful feeling

   No NBA this year?! Great! I don't like watching overpaid athletes in baggy shorts run up and down a basketball court anyway. I'd rather watch overpaid athletes in tight pants run up and down a football field or around a diamond.

   You know those times when you just can't think of anything good to write, so you just post some crap? KNOCK IT OFF!!!

   Why are the other countries celebrating our presidents day by dancing, pointing and laughing?

   guitar for sale - no strings attached.

   I'm not saying she's fat...... But if you asked me to name my 5 fattest friends.... She would be 3 of them.

   Liam Neeson trained Batman, Obi Wan, and Darth Vader. He is both Aslan and Zeus…and he punches wolves. Why would you kidnap his family?