Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life

   It's bullsh!t that 1-800-PET-MEDS won't deliver medicinal marijuana to my dog.

   "Mom...can I wear a mini skirt today?" "NO!" "Why not I'm 17?" "Justin I said no!"

   Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider's home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account.

   “I'm Single ” doesn't mean ” I'm looking for somebody “, just thought you should know.

   LIKE IF: You sat down to check Facebook real quick and...an hour later, you're still here.

   First time I saw a dry erase board I said thats "remarkable"

   Women have to deal with periods, pregnancy, childbirth, menopause and hot flashes. Men have to deal with women.

   will never understand why the Lions and Cowboys always get to play on Thanksgiving. Shouldn't the Patriots play the Redskins, and then steal their stadium?

   Roses Are Red Violets Are Red Trees Are Red Fuck my gardens on fire!

   life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain

   Elon Musk fired 8000 employees and Twitter is working just fine. Makes you wonder what they were doing all day long.

   can you spare just $2? Ranji is a 9 yr old boy living in Namibia. He has 1 leg, 1 arm, and 1 eye. Each day he rides 7 miles to school with a bike w/ bent wheels and no brakes. If you just send $2, we will send you the video it's freaking hilarious.

   ┌П┐(◕‿◕) ┌П┐

   My neighbor is crazy. After playing some Justin Bieber at high volume at 7 o'clock this morning, he commited suicide by shooting himself 8 times in the back with my gun.

   Think of a number between 0 and 20. Add 40 to it. Multiply by 2. Subtract 3. Now close your eyes.... It's dark isn't it?

   After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy. Nothing

   Dear Kanye, Roses are Red, Voilets are Blue, If Justin Bieber wins an AMA, you know what to do!

   Mike, Who, Cheese, Harry ~ say it faster

   In the movie 2012 the first thing that flooded was New York and now it is 2012 and New York is flooding. Just saying. !!