Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   guess I shouldn't have pre-mixed my vodka and OJ. My kids went to school drunk today...

   I hate it when you wake upon mid-dream, and don't get to find out what happens next.

   My warning label would simply read: Take me regularly. In case of overdose, enjoy.

   Burger King's new company slogan: "When it comes to hunger, we don't horse around"...

   Kim Kardashian Says She Would Like To Have Sex With Herself …To Know What It Feels Like! Guess that means that after Kanye West Noone wants to touch her.

   Either that milk was bad,,,,, Or they don't actually make onion Chobani flavored Captain Crunch

   hates when the microwave decides to heat his plate, but not his food.

   I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.

   I gotta go to work and I can't find my hand basket!

   The MEDIA is pushing an agenda. It's called "separate and divide". THEIR REIGN IS OVER. Stand Strong. Stand Together.

   Why would anyone in the United States oppose an actual investigation into Voter Fraud? As William Shakespear once wrote .... "Methinks thou dost protesteth too much!"

   Generation Butt Hurt...where everyone is offended by everything.

   Do you know what this house is missing? A box of $#!+, Let's get a cat.

   Apparently Neil Armstrong used to tell unfunny jokes about the Moon, and follow them up with “Ah, I guess you had to be there.”

   Algebra is like sex. I didn’t really get it in high school, and I definitely don’t get it now.

   For the first time in my life, I did not welcome The Weekend.

   has been wondering... if you force sex on a hooker is it rape or shoplifting??

   Before you kill yourself can you give me your Facebook password so that I can continue to post st@tus upd@tes after you are gone and scare the sh!t out of your friends.

   more excited than a baby in a titty bar....!

   Twilight's like soccer. They run around for 2 hours, nobody scores, and its billion fans insist you just don't understand.