Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Save up to 100% in gifts when you break up a day before VDay & make up 2days after!!

   To be honest, I'm just fishing for compliments tonight.

   hooked on ebonics...tru dat dawg

   To the people telling me about how bored they are; don't look at me, I have nothing for you.

   I think facebook is a teenager...its going through alot of changes lately

   69% of the time people find something dirty in this sentence.

   dont substitute your dreams for the truth. Pay attention to what's right in front of your nose before it's too late.

   overheard at walmart ; customer service needed in the sporting goods, we have a customer by the balls.

   you know your getting old when all the athletes you watch on TV are younger than you

   FAXT: you are more likely to be bitten by a person who believes they are a shark than an actual shark

   Saw A bumper sticker that said "Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap" not sure if he was a proud fat man or a disgruntled kidnapper though.

   People assume when I yawn that I've lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.

   It's a well known fact... buying cheap toilet-paper can lead to a self violation.

   The first person you think of in the morning or last person you think of in the night is either the cause of your happiness or your pain

   Definition of laziness : It's a talent of taking rest before you get tired..........coz prevention is better than cure

   Ugh my girlfriend is taking forever to exist!

   Forget waterboarding... I'm ready to tell this damn popcorn kernel stuck in my tooth everything it wants to know

   When I'm bored I like to put on my red polo shirt and khakis, then storm into the nearest Target and quit.

   I came, I saw, I cleared the browser history.

   For such an advanced civilization, how the hell have we not found a way to stop cigarettes from making you smell like a dragon’s f art?