Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   May Your stuffing be tasty, May your turkey be plump, May your potatoes n' gravy, Have nary a lump, May your yams be delicious, May your pies be the prize, May your Thanksgiving dinner Stay off of your thighs.

   Alcohol: Because no good story ever starts with "So this one time I was eating a salad..."

   Well the WD40 worked, the squeek is gone.... But now the guinea pig just lays there lifeless

   Man found dead in chicken coop. Fowl play suspected.

   Microwave: (noun) A hand gesture used by a midget to say hello.

   How many people really LOL? Shouldn't it be LQTM (laughing quietly to myself) ?

   Say what you want about the south but nobody retires and moves up north

   Don't you hate it when you look all around the house and car for your underwear,,, And they were on top of your head the whole time?

   Why is it so important that we learn how to write a thesis statement? I can't imagine my future boss saying, "have that thesis on my desk by 5 o'clock or it's your ass!

   I still haven't been able to deal with the fact that Jessica Simpson has had two children and didn't name either one "Homer"

   Alright, stop. Collaborate and drop and listen and roll. Ice is back with a confusing new fire safety video.

   People talking without speaking, People hearing without listening" Did Simon and Garfunkel predict the internet??

   You think after making 58 mil last year, Bieber could buy a freakin belt.

   Women who say the quickest way to a mans heart is through his stomach hasn't seen his browser history.

   Wishing the amazing Olympic athletes from around the world the best of luck in Sochi (finding drinking water and toilets).

   I can't believe Skelator sold out and is now doing commercials. Oh well, he's still a better pitchman than Michael Bolton.

   I initially thought this codeine cough syrup was disgusting, but after the second stack of pancakes, it's not so bad.

   It's always nice to be called Pretty in the morning. So what if he was hiding behind the trash wearing no pants.

   I just want to be rich enough to legally hunt people.

   I own 13 pairs of black yoga pants just in case you want to question my white girl status.