Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I just saw a woman in a pair of Daisy Dukes. Unfortunately, she looked like Boss Hogg.

   Why are we supposed to give special treatment to Black Friday, i'm just gonna come out and say it #ALLFRIDAYSMATTER

   real friends stab you in the front.

   "Guess I'll turn on the news to see what the government is up to" - The President of the United States

   your father's brother's nephew's cousin's sister's uncle's brother's friend's second cousin's former roommate on your mothers side.

   I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up. She turned out to be an undercover detective. How cool is that at her age?!

   The Only good thing that can come from a kim kardashian song, is a kim kardashian music video!

   My girlfriend said bringing toys into the bedroom would spice up our sex lives... So I double fisted her with a set of Hulk Hands.

   She told me she'd sleep with me when pigs fly, so you can imagine how happy I am to see that police helicopter over my house right now.

   hopes that after I die, people will say of me: "Man... that guy sure owed me a lot of money."

   At least Tiger Woods was being truthful when he told his wife every morning that he was off to play 18 holes.

   Has come to the conclusion that fruit-loops are just gay cheerios. =)

   I'm hung like Einstein and smart as a horse.

   I'm sending my friends Justin Beiber CDs because fruitcake is a traditional Christmas gift.

   Another year about to be in the past ~ a few ups & downs ~ some you remember ~ some you forget ~ New Year ahead ~ Dreams to Collect ~ I wish you all a New Year that is full of happy times, great memories, good health, contentment, and most of all LOVE ♥

   Last night a horse came up to me and told me not to drive home................... Now that I think about it, there might have been a cop sitting on top of it.

   Cop : Did you know that you were doing 85 in a 65?!?! Me: Well, did you know that you were doing over 85 in a 65 just to catch up to me? So, who was really speeding?? Huh?! Huh!! :

   Thinks they should change "I now pronounce you man and wife" to FINISH HIM!!!

   If you can't afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don't know where you are!

   Happy 20dozen!