Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Facebook does NOT need a dislike button. It's just gonna start more drama.

   wonders why Monopoly never gave us any explanation as to why we had to "Go to Jail. Go directly to Jail. Do not pass go, do not collect $200". Seriously, what the hell was that about?

   Not all relationships are meant to last the distance. Some are just practice for the one that does.

   Facebook really needs a "pee on someone's wall" option.

   I wonder what quality the wife of the inventor of Vagisil possessed that made him want to create such a thing

   Well, I see no one turned up for first day of ninja school… or did they?

   I really think Miracle Whip lowered the bar for what constitutes a miracle.

   I'll have a cheeseburger, minus the burger, cheese, bread, and add tequila

   thinks it would be great if we really burped bubbles when we were drunk... just like in cartoons.

   Remember a couple years ago when everybody thought Tom Cruise was losing his marbles? Looks like Charlie Sheen has set the new standard for celiberty craziness .Better tell Oprah to hide the couch.

   Having sex is like doing FRACTIONS... It's IMPROPER for the larger one to be on top

   If your girlfriend spend most of her free time watching "Law and Order" "CSI" "The First 48" "Dexter" and "Snapped"...Do yourself a big favor and go buy her flowers...

   Abercrombie and Fitch telling the Jersey Shore Cast that wearing their brand makes the brand look scuzzy is a lot like Lindsay Lohan telling Paris Hilton that her partying antics make talentless famous starlets look like trash.

   If anyone wants to donate money for Hurricane Irene, make check out to me, so I can assist beachfront bars in recovering from their loss of income. Cash is also accepted.

   Marijuana is illegal....but so is the music on your iPod

   Ladies, I can either play with your heart or with your boobs. Its your choice.

   I just read where the SEAL team that popped Bin Laden was based in Virginia Beach. So his big surprise at the end wasn't 72 virgins, it was 24 Virginians. Adios you ahole. Tell Saddan we send our regards and save a spot at the table for Gaddafi.

   Tip on getting a raise at work: Every day eat a cup-a-noodle soup for lunch and make sure to mention how you need to save half, because you know you will be hungry tomorrow.

   With all the botched executions lately, it has been suggested that we bring back the guillotine. But if we do that I'm sure heads will roll.

   Neighbors just complained about the sex noise coming from our house last night. Well, the jokes on them cause I wasn't even home last night.