Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   We would all be so lost in this world if it wasnt for our great friends on Facebook who constantly provide us with news updates...

   Someone disappointing you just allows you to free up space in your heart for others who won't.

   I react to "Someone has tagged a photo of you..." in the same way I react to a doctor saying, "Your test results came back..."

   I've spent 50% of my life learning how to live without sex and alcohol and the other 50% happy.

   ladies, if you want a man who will stick by you through thick and thin, marry a procrastinator

   if a woman gives you a pat on the back, you aren't getting any.

   You'll know it's real if I still love you when I'm sober!

   Even a turtle only makes progress when it sticks its neck out.

   There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.

   I felt sorry for a hypnotist I saw on TV last night... He hypnotized 7 guys, then he tripped over the microphone cord and yelled, "Screw This Microphone!".... What happened next will haunt me forever...

   It took 10 years, but you finally got yours!

   : If Blind people wear Dark Glasses...why don't Deaf people wear Earmuffs?

   suddenly has an urge to go for a balloon ride over Colorado.

   When people start a sentence with "Do you know what your problem is..." I interrupt and start telling them all my problems. They never expect that.

   Brandi from 'Storage Wars' has humongous jugs

   Democrats don’t like to address mental illness after a mass shooting because they don’t want to alienate their base.

   Had imaginary friends as a kid, I mean they were real kids that lived on my street, I would just imagine them to be my friends :)

   Happy easter and have a fantastic1982 from all at the alzheimers society ! See you next week at the bonfire and dont forget your swimsuit! X.

   Remember: When strangers offer you drugs, take them, because drugs are expensive!!

   Whats with people who reach facebook maximum friends limit and have to open another account to accommodate more new friends? Are you really that popular or you are just a slut?