Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If you don't like my words, don't listen. If you don't like my appearance, don't look. If you don't like my actions, turn your head; It's as simple as that.

   A. Drunk B. Sober C. High D. All of the above

   happier than Richard Simmons running backwards through a cornfield!

   My face is sore from making my angry face all day.

   what does the Vikings football team and the Metradome have in common? They both collapsed under pressure this year

   Spouse: someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.

   When a girl says she wants to feel special, DON'T buy her a helmet

   Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm using my hand, but I'm thinking of you.

   I hate it when I don't know what I'm talking about and you try and correct me!

   My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.

   I guess the teachers went back to school. The bar was nearly empty this morning.

   Today's menu: 1 gallon of attitude, 3 cups of sarcasm, 2 tbsp of leave me the hell alone, and a generous cup of shut the feck up!

   Wednesday... As most of you call it Hump day, I like to call it the 3rd Monday of the week.

   I just had 19 beers at Chuck E. Cheese's... and this band is awesome!

   Haha! Some guy told me he doesn’t go down on his girlfriend and she doesn’t complain. I told him it’s because someone else does.

   I should do my own TV series........... Man vs Drink

   At least I have all day sober to Sunday up.....

   I don't care if saying this hurts my reputation:..... The Westboro Baptist Church's tactics are not the best.

   My boobs are nice so I don't have to be.

   Did Ray Lewis kill the lights too?