Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The date went downhill fast after I questioned which house from Harry Potter she belonged in.

   Finally, my winter fat is gone… now I have spring rolls

   I'm on two diets now. I wasn't getting nearly enough food on one diet...

   I feel sorry for the last man on earth. A lot of women really hate that guy.

   Justin Bieber is coming out with an 'Unplugged album'? I hope it's the microphone that they unplug.

   I took an Ambien and now I hate everyone....

   Shopping for antiques won't make you gay, but it will make you buy curios.

   If you can't find your wife or GF at the mall, just start talking to the hottest girl you see and she'll appear out of nowhere.

   Why are all the good open-minded liberals moving to Canada? What's wrong with Mexico? If we look at the map, it appears Mexico is about the same distance from the U.S. as Canada. So what's up?

   Depending on how you look at it, half of 8 could be 4, 3, or 0.

   Why don't keyboards have a ".com" key on them now? Come on nerds!

   I wonder if China was clever enough to make the Mongolians pay for their wall?

   I think I'm going to buy one of those new 3D printers. Then I'll use it to print another 3D printer and then return the original printer to get my money back.

   I don't drink water anymore, not after what it did to the Grand Canyon

   For those of you who don't have a significant other to spend Valentine's Day with, kindly resist the temptation to brag about it.

   Happy Single's Discrimination Day #NotMyValentinesDay

   If psychics and palm readers knew anything they'd have hand washing stations.

   My wife left me because I'm too insecure. No wait, she's back. She just went to make a cup of coffee.

   Hillary Clinton promises to wear a Chewbecca mask in public to improve her polling numbers.

   Personally, I think Disney World is taking it's Animal Kingdom experience to far.