Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   What are the chances that Hurricane Earl will make a little detour and head up north to wipe out the cast of Jersey Shore?

   reminding you that you need to turn your clocks back this weekend, i'm going to turn mine back to when I was 25.

   Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy.

   can't get this nicorette stuff lit.

   needs to find the stuff that's making his hair turn white and direct it towards his teeth.

   Hurricane Irma: Hillary's only chance for her book to fly off the shelves in Florida.

   Gotta laugh at Wheezy Joe Biden...offers condolences to the wrong city AND state last night...wake up Joe!

   Imagine the disappointment if a wolf knew its descendant would be a Tea cup Yorkie That's how your grandpa feels when he sees your man bun.

   Gone in 60 Seconds is a documentary about me leaving work on Fridays.

   The Duty of a true Patriot is to protect his country from it's government.

   I'll probably be sick of these orange sherbet pushups by the time I finish the 22 pushup challenge but, I am determined to finish it anyway.

   Today is International Women's Day, It was supposed to be yesterday, but they couldn't get ready on time !

   Almond milk? I didn't even know almonds had nipples.

   Sorry to announce my pet mouse 'Elvis' has just died!..he was caught in a trap!

   The weather temperature when from 90 to 55 like it saw a State Trooper.

   I'm surprised the weather channel hasn't started naming the caravans......

   A home-made Father's Day gift from your kids seems nice until you remember kids in other countries make Air Jordans and iPhones.

   I dont usually like to brag about my finances, but my credit card company calls me almost every day to tell me my balance is outstanding

   If Mama Cass had shared her sandwich with Karen Carpenter they both might be still alive today.

   I think it’s pretty cool how the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos.