Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   wonders why all the old people talk about how far they walked to school back in the day...didnt anyone live close to the school back then

   You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.

   No matter how many times I've been done wrong, I'll continue to be faithful, honest, and loving; sooner or later someone will appreciate it.

   I just hung a stocking by my chimney but instead of using "care" I hung it with total disregard for human safety.

   Apparently "Because I'm smoking hot" is not the CORRECT answer to "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

   Apparently,, re-enacting scenes from "Deadliest Catch" are frowned upon at Red Lobster.

   Eating Taco Bell is like sleeping with your ex. I feel horrible afterwards and I'm always drunk when I do it.

   I don't give a sh*t how many of my FB friends liked "Walmart" ur just not gonna convice me to hit that button!

   Everything I like is either: illegal, immoral, fattening, addictive, expensive, or impossible

   What kind of Leader says and does nothing about Nation Wide Riots?

   Manti Te'o should change his relationship status on Facebook to "It's Complicated"

   In other news, millions of Facebook users suddenly get their law degrees.

   Remember ladies; When men give women roses they expect Tulips in return.

   Attractive girls are always the most insecure. While these Shrek looking bit$hes, walk around thinking their the s$it.

   i dont mean to brag ...but I just finished a whole chap stick without losing it

   To err is human; to blame it on someone else shows management potential.

   The girl at CVS asked if I wanted to "hang out and wait for my prescription" I told her I don't even know you and besides I have a girlfriend

   If you are going to cheat, make sure she isn't wearing glitter.

   Apparently, "I had an interview with a better company" is not an acceptable reason for being late for work.

   For those of you who don't know me, we haven't met yet.