Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Everyone deserves one free kill in life.

   I hate it when your girlfriend asks you to hold her handbag, and it doesn't match what you're wearing.

   Today I will be happier than a bird with a French Fry...

   Have you ever looked at your best friend and asked, "How the f*** are we not comedians?"

   Don't judge a woman by her granny panties but by what's inside.

   Some dude just yelled at me for texting and driving...I told him to get off my hood and mind his own business.

   Breaking news: The Detroit Tigers file for Little Leauge.

   Ladies, if you are really good at blow jobs, you don’t have to pretend to like football.

   Hmmm,,,, Tell me more about this "victim" role you play due to the circumstances that you've created for yourself.

   Sometimes life seems so Popeless.

   Got a problem with me? I'm pretty sure a status on Facebook won't fix it.

   So the Westboro Baptist Church say they are going to picket Jeff Hanneman's funeral. 150 morons against 5000 Slayer fans...... Can't wait to see that one!

   "When I'm done sh*tting on your car I'm going to watch your wife undress through the window" - Birds

   Everyone is entitled to my opinion.

   I hope everyone stocked up on water and flashlights! This y2k thing sounds terrifying!.. I just read all about it in my doctors office.

   Women: Let me overthink everything you just said, connect them to things you said years ago and pick a fight about it when you least expect

   There is no number for what just happened in that bathroom..

   Fergison Mo. BLACK FRIDAY GHETTO STYLE!!!!

   The best part of hooking up with a MILF is leaving in the morning with a juice box and fruit rollups.

   The new breakup line: "It's not you. It's your timeline."