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Leaving the house with 50% battery on your phone is almost as bad as leaving without your wallet. 
Spinning in circles to get dizzy as a child was my first attempt at getting high.
What if our dreams are just us seeing what the other versions of ourselves in alternate universes are doing?
When you need magic to happen all you have to do is say "Abra cadabra" and realize you're an idiot for thinking you could make magic happen.
Forbes says Taylor Swift was the highest earning musician this year taking home $170 million. Every time she breaks up with a boyfriend, she writes a hit song about it. If this doesn't show what men can do for you ladies, I don't know what does.
Tattoos are an expensive and painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification.
I'm a fantastic secret-keeper because, deep down, I really don't care enough to actually talk about it to anyone else.
I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
'We do not eat anything we find in the couch' is apparently something I have to say now.
I just wish the light stays green at the intersection all day, today....
I'm so hungry that my stomach stopped growling. Now its just whimpering.
needs to sit down in the Thinking Chair and Think...Think...THIIIINNNKK!!!
silence is golden but duct tape is silver
starting to agree with the voices in his head......
If you have to ask, you're not entitled to know.
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
I'm not saying Happy Holiday's to anyone this year, instead I'm saying Merry Christmas
statistics show that 1 out of 20 of us live next door to a conivcted pedophile, not me though, I live next to two stunning 16 year olds.
Ever wondered why there is a stairway to heaven, and a highway to hell? There's apparently more traffic going to hell!!!
Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.
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