Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I remember back in the 80s,,, BEFORE the Internet really existed,, that MTV used to randomly Rick Roll everyone.

   YOLO is solely responsible for 75% of all teen pregnancies this year.

   "It's not you, it's me." -Twins looking at some family photos.

   How To Satisfy Fast Food Cravings: 1) Grab a handful of almonds. 2) Step off the building.

   Marriage is essentially peeing with the door open and asking "What do you want for dinner?"

   To me everyday is Talk Like A Pirate Day and that's why I'm in between jobs right now.

   Me asking someone out on a date is a lot like them wanting a Coke and I ask "Is Pepsi okay?"

   Plan a romantic evening but instead of rose petals sprinkle a path of grated cheese to the bedroom.

   There is no way Hollywood could remake Scream for millennials because, none of them would answer the phone.

   Yelling at me for warming towels in the oven is not going to get the fire department here any faster.

   All I know about love I've learned from my dogs, which is when someone scratches your back you should roll over and show them your nipples.

   She's Like the Wind is my favorite romantic ballad about a beautiful young girl who farts a lot.

   Do they make Three Martini Lunchables?

   Them: do something every day that scares you Me: *steps in a hole filled with spiders Me: *just screaming

   I'm just playing devils avocado here

   When I was a kid, we had to do emojis with our face.

   "I just called to say I love you." -Stevie Wonder not understanding how prank calls work

   Is the expression "One man's trash is another man's treasure?" I want this best man's speech to be perfect.

   "I'm really good in bed" -Ice cream

   The only time a classic old VW doesn’t leak is when it has run out of oil.