Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The only way I'm going to pass this test is if I eat it first.

   There's a very short list of things you can have in your hand while running without looking crazy.

   The bearded lady, the guy with all the body piercings, the dude with 14 toes, the geek biting the chickens head off... Yep, I'm in WalMart.

   Parallel lines have got so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet.

   Want to clear out a room quickly? Start playing muskrat love loudly. You are welcome.

   discovered pretending I'm sleeping to avoid something never gets old!

   Tom Cruise has finally reached the 71st level of Scientology, Divorce

   The problem with natural selection is that it isn't killing stupid people off quickly enough.

   Its so hot I used my blow dryer as a cooling fan!

   Ugh stupid cold weather totally stole my idea to get a lot of attention today.

   If you think you have me figured out, that's hilarious because I don't even have myself figured out.

   I remember your face, and I even remember what we talked about, but what the hell was your name again?!

   I wouldn't consider myself Single, more like I'm in a relationship with Freedom!

   .it's almost time for my OBGYN appointment and I haven't even bought a doctor's coat or faked my credentials yet.

   It is impossible to defeat an ignorant person in an argument.

   Walking around with a clipboard and suit on..Makes me feel very important...Even tho I'm not doing anything besides just walking around.

   It was a pleasure ruining my life with you.

   Good hair day = New profile picture.

   The first rule of Women's Fight Club is: We will stew about it for days then scream at you about it and never let you forget it, A$$hole.

   People love you if you can take them out of their comfort zone, comfortably.